I’m thinking about starting a band. Here are some names I’ve been working with…

The Loose Patellas

The Unsteady Servers

Liquid Knee

I’m kidding, of course. I’m absolutely not starting a band.

A few weeks ago, I had a physical setback, and while I drove to doctors and physical therapists and acupuncturists, a game formed of telling my story with fictional band names only. Here are a few more:

Bummer Diagnosis

Bedrest

Much Too Young

The Sexy PTs

Osteofuckyourself

The 30 Reps

The Boring Chard

The Beatles (this one needs work, I think)

Hey, it was a fun distraction for a few days. Here’s what happened…

I was cruising down the stairs thinking about the pint of vanilla Häagen-Dazs ice cream I needed to pick up on my way to the dinner I was cheffing that night. It would be a secret bonus option that I would scoop onto the ramekins of peach crisps with amaretti streusel.

Down the wood stairs I dashed: left foot, right foot, left foot, liquid. It felt like my right leg had suddenly melted. There wasn’t even pain in that first millisecond, just disappearance. My knee was gone. It was like I was tripping on acid, but without any spiritual expansion of mind or soul; no happy journey, just a liquified limb.

I’ve had injuries and setbacks before, but this felt significant.

My imminent to-do list engaged with this new single-leg moment, and I felt like I was being held under water until I took the fatal gasp.

“I guess I’ll just die on these stairs.” I sighed, to no one. I couldn’t visualize a plan of action other than giving up. “I’m broken.”

My leg, it turns out, was not. A kneecap issue from my childhood has resurfaced with a brand-new osteoarthritis tag for me to become emotionally paralyzed by.

I got up eventually. I crawled up the stairs to the bathroom, ate a fistful of Advil, and precariously hobbled my way to my gig (after a slug-paced purchase of vanilla ice cream). My knee had returned, and though its stability was unreliable, it wasn’t liquid anymore.

I pulled up to my client’s home, thrilled to see only a single step rise to their front door. I slowly brought in my bags of food and equipment. This being a party of 6 guests, they had opted to have me serve them instead of hiring a waiter. That decision was made long before I became this wobbling, lopsided, molasses-speed garçon. They frowned and nodded, looking both dubious and sympathetic as I explained my sudden disability.

I was there and I would do everything I could to make this a perfect night for them (it was a 50^th anniversary party). In many ways, I’m lucky that I got to cook that night. I reached within myself to truthfully acknowledge my power and my weaknesses. My clients were thrilled with their meal and the service. I know it was a bit underwhelming because I was distracted (especially with the rainbow chard, which I am rectifying for future clients today).

When my knee was diagnosed with severe osteoarthritis a few days later, I plunged into depression and fear. Would this be the nail in the coffin of my business? The end of travels with my husband? Walks with Amelia?

No.

Life is a work in progress. I’m up now, fighting to get back to normal with support from friends, doctors, family, and pets. I’ll push as long as I have to. 

In a declaration of my journey to wellness, I give you this beautiful edit on rainbow chard!

Rainbow Chard with Honeyed Chili Crisp Sauce

Ingredients

• 1 bunch of rainbow chard
• 4 garlic cloves
• 1 teaspoon spicy chili crisp 
• 1 teaspoon honey
• 1 teaspoon sherry vinegar
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon sesame oil
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• parmesan grated on top (optional)

1. Wash chard and then slice the inner ribs out of the leaves. Slice the ribs to make 3 or 4 long, thin rib pieces and then line up all the ribs together and cut into 1/2 inch dice. Stack the leaves on top of each other and roll them like a cigar. Slice the rolled chard into ribbons.
2. Finely chop the garlic and put it off to the side.
3. In a bowl, mix the chili crisp, the honey, sherry vinegar, salt, and sesame oil.
4. Heat olive oil in a large saute pan. Add the diced rib pieces and saute for 1-2 minutes over medium high heat.
5. Add the sliced leaves and saute for another minute, seasoning with salt and pepper. The leaves will wilt a bit.
6. Add the chopped garlic and toss together for 30 seconds.
7. Add the sauce mixtures and saute for another minute, mixing the flavors together.

I love to serve this over polenta or as a side dish, sometimes sprinkled with some grated parmesan.

If you need more guidance on how it’s done, click on the picture. I made it on KATU’s show Afternoon Live.